Too poor to pay the psychiatrist!?

You have a lot of issues there. None of which can be resolved by a simple answer on Yahoo Answers. It will take time (months, even years) with a professional for you to deal with these issues and move forward. I apologise that I'm not of any more help then that, but you really do have a lot of things that need to be worked out and I wouldn't even know what to begin with given the density of an Answer on here. Depending on where you live there may be free government run psychologist services, you should consider finding out about what sort of services are around your area.